You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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