is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
