Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
