The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
