Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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