I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You need a sexual gate keeper
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
