this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
