I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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