awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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