just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
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woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
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If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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