So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
