So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I smell stomach acid.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
