If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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