saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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