I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
