I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
