Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
