What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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