I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
