So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
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He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
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exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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