Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
