The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
