Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
