why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
