Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
