just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
