he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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