omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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