...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I did not marry a roomba.
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