Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
a search helicopter?!
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Randomize
