I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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