Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
