Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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