God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
