**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
