I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
