addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
