Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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