I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
