Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
