I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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