I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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