My liver just broke up with me...
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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