walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I think I am morally bankrupt
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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