i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
