So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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