If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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