im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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