I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize