I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
