wakey wakey hands off snakey
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
