I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
