thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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