and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
