she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
