when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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