The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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