she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
