Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
