We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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