Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
