I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
