Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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