when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
