i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
