i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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