**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My bed smells like the plague
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
