i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
