I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
barbara walters just said penis...
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
