WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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