you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
