She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
