Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
a search helicopter?!
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
