We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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